My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
