Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I could make wine with my vomit
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
