is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
