Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
