is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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