Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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