I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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