Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
