I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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