Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were trust falling into bushes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
