you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
