No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Boobs speak an international language.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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