It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
