Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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