the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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