Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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