she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
