I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
