I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
