I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
