I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
