at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
