??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
