her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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