are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
