At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
