we have officially lost it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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