Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
