i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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