Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
