You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
