id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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