I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
