I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
