he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
