his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
