i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
