Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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