Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
