the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
