I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
