I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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