he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
