that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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