HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
