Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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