Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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