I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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