I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
