btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
