I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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